oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
