After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize