well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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