dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
