Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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