So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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