My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just high enough for therapy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
