I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
