So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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