I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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