i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
