Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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