Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
