Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
