My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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