so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
