I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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