Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
