i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
