Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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