If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
