Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
