It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
