Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
