woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
