I can text with my tongue
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
