After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
