i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
