New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
