Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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