was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
