fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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