i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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