i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
worst night to have a conscience
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
