i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
