doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
