First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
