the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
