I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
