Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
