My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
