I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
