You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
