we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
