I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
