John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
