Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
