I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
