can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
