just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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