hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
