i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
