Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
