i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
