My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
