Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
