is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
