Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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