What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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