Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize