new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just cropdusted the office
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
