look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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