I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
