you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
