hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
