another moral hangover. fuck.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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