Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They took my balls.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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