and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
