I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
