He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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