Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
