He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
