i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
