New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
