Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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