A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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