Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
