What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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