I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
