i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
