dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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