i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
