i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
