dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
