im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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