i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
