Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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