Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
