He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
